7/31/2006 08:11:00 AM|W|P|Chowie|W|P|So we've got our tech rehearsal today for P:TCNTAISC, which officially marks the event horizon in any show as far as I'm concerned.
In spite of:
1. all our contestants coming up with ridonkulously hilarious characters and bits,
2. Kurt and Phyllis (my co-judges on the panel) constantly cracking everyone up, and
3. Kevin - our host with the most - keeping it all together as Brian Peecrest,
I'm still nervous. Maybe anxious is a better way of putting it.
Either way, I'm getting pumped. You should too. This show is gonna change the world. For real.
In the meantime, this will help you in the getting of pumped:
http://realultimatepower.net/
chowie
ps - as a reminder, here are our showtimes at Intermedia Arts:
Saturday 8/5 at 7:00 PM
Sunday 8/6 at 10:00 PM
Thursday 8/10 at 5:30 PM
Saturday 8/12 at 10:00 PM
Sunday 8/13 at 4:00 PM
Visit http://uptowntix.com for tickets, or call them at 651-209-6799
More information on the Minnesota Fringe in general can be found at fringefestival.org|W|P|115435228429148032|W|P|Techistan|W|P|chowie@norefundstheatre.com7/28/2006 05:06:00 PM|W|P|Chowie|W|P|So last Tuesday I sent round an email to a bunch of fools with my new preferred email address. What follows is the transcript of an unexpected, yet delightful experiment in what it takes to be a No Refunds superstar. This experiment will examine what happens when one tasteless joke consumes an entire group of people for three entire days. If that offends you, tough cookies. I'll sic the Wong on you for some insensitivity training. Now, let's begin...
DAY ONE: TUESDAY
ME: Hey everybody, like Chad, I too have a new address. Well, not so new, but I grow weary of hotmail. The Flailing Gangly Master can now be reached primarily at…
ROMAN: Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Notice that the experiment has its genesis outside the scope of the initial correspondence. As a scientist interested in tasteless humor, it was my duty to investigate further…
ME: That's funny, I always heard her favorite color was black.
ROMAN: Really? I don't see why.
ME: Exactly, neither could she.
At this point, others have found themselves dragged beyond the event horizon. It's all downhill from here.
MIKEY: Y'all are nincompoops. :P
ME: You had me at poop.
GABE: You guys are making my brain shrink.
DAY TWO: WEDNESDAY
JEROME: I can't stand you sometimes Gabe, you're so insensitive. Helen Keller
probably didn't even have a brain. Way to go, jerk.
The experiment now reaches across state lines, turning it into a federal offense.
DR. WONG: I say we settle this "new address/Helen Keller/Gabe being an insensitive jerk" contention over 72 hours of fighting. So who's in? Dawson's not invited because he $hits his pants when he sees people fighting, and nobody wants to see that.
Ed. Note - The good doctor likes to put on airs like he is above all this crude humor. Notice the spelling “$hit” - what, is he a 14 year old girl? And yet the joke that makes him laugh hardest, in the telling or the hearing, is "What did the deaf, blind and mute girl get for her birthday?" Strange.
TREVOR: Hellen Keller would want to see it.
And now, a noble attempt to bring everyone back to reality and their senses:
HEATHER: Hellen Keller can't see.
It fails.
TREVOR: Exactly.
And now we see just how far into the rabbit hole our subjects are willing to go…
ME: We could give her the play by play: daa beay bwaa. Oh wait. She can't hear either.
Which begs the question: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Hours pass. Your faithful scientist eagerly awaits the response of the experiment's subjects. He knows they have been well prepped and will not prod them further. It's only a matter of time before one of them decides to be the one to take the bait. At long last…
ROMAN: I'm up for the sparring...And I agree about Master Dawson, Sir.
His attempt at distracting the rest of us is utterly transparent as to his real motive:
ROMAN: I'll bite - Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?
SUCCESS!
ME: Ahem....................................She was a woman.
And now, the most decent among us again tries to bring us to our senses.
HEATHER: Wow, I don't know what to say.
And fails. Again.
RYAN: Neither did Helen Keller. Waa waa.
DAY THREE: THURSDAY
ME: Refer to the play by play, switch some letters around, and it'll be close enough.
MIKEY: You are all...hurting my soul. Or as Helen Keller would say: "Ngggggh muuuuuuh Dauuuuuuhhhhhh"
ME: You all know that the next step on the road to hell is the Helen Keller Superfan Club. Membership includes the exclusive Helen Keller Decoder Ring. Use it to craft secret messages to other members, or to decipher what the homeless/crazy person next to you on the bus is saying.
ROMAN: It sounds like we're all doomed for this. Fortunately that doesn't matter because when whatever powers that be ask Helen if she was offended by this, she'll have no idea she's even talking. It's the perfect target. Like Bush.
And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. This is what happens when one tasteless joke drags an entire group of otherwise normal, upstanding people into the void for three whole days.
This is also indicative of the kind of personality we're looking for in the next No Refunds superstar.
Learn from this, as you learned from the inspirational life of one Helen Keller, Miracle Worker.|W|P|115412539438754341|W|P|Picking on those less fortunate: A Scientific Experiment|W|P|chowie@norefundstheatre.com7/27/2006 11:52:00 PM|W|P|Chowie|W|P|I was talking to Katie earlier this week and she asked me if I was getting excited about P:TCNATISC opening a week from Saturday.
Ok, so she actually said, "Are you getting excited for the Fringe?"
Doesn't matter, the point was the same.
"Absolutely," I said. "Do you remember that birthday or Christmas present you got as a kid that you wanted more than anything, never thought you'd ever have it, then ended up getting it at the very ass end of the present opening, which was then followed by uncontrollable excitement and general freaking out?"
"You are such a dork."
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I married her. Nobody else cracks me up like that.
Seriously though, once you see Project: Twin Cities American Next Top Idol Search Contest, you will be as excited to tell your friends about it as this little boy is getting a Nixty Four for Christmas. Listen carefully to the slow motion (at 0:14 and the very end) where he turns into the devil.
|W|P|115406337244333597|W|P|Excitement|W|P|chowie@norefundstheatre.com7/27/2006 03:10:00 PM|W|P|chowie|W|P|Hey everybody, to send Gabe off to California on a No Refunds note, I'd like to request everyone to share their favorite Gabe moment(s). I'll get things started:
1. The first time I saw him tear off his pants...while transmogrifying from Mr. Guildenstern to Dr. Rosencrantz.
2. The look on his face after smashing my zombie head with a baseball bat. Methinks he enjoyed it a little too much.
And others?
Things won't be the same without you Gabe. Safe journey, and don't forget the power of a simple fart joke.|W|P|115403155299722800|W|P|Fond Farewell|W|P|cjhowie@gmail.com7/28/2006 12:06:53 AM|W|P|Shinobi-wan|W|P|not just the pants, but that whole Dr. R walk thing is just the best. Also Gabe's salsa at last years fringe run bbq7/26/2006 07:34:00 PM|W|P|Gabe|W|P|YOU: Hey, gabe, aren't you supposed to be in LA?
ME: Oh, yeah, I'm leaving on Friday.
YOU: Well, if you're still here WTF with no blogposts for a friggin' month?
ME: chill out, homeys, check it. feast your eyes upon the PROJECT TWIN CITIES AMERICAN NEXT TOP IDOL SEARCH CONTEST trailer/opening credit sequence, although there ain't no credits.
YOU: Wow! That's sweet! I totally forgive you for not writing anything recently.
ME: Word.
YOU: Are Matt and Chowie going to be posting more updates as the Fringe approaches?
ME: I hope so.|W|P|115396070867838785|W|P|IDOL: the Trailer|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com