12/29/2005 11:50:00 PM|W|P|Gabe|W|P|
Kiseung, is the mystery monk and a very important member of the Kung Fu Hamlet cast and so I've decided to blog all about Kiseung today. Many of his dearest friends, including my younger sister Cassie, who doesn't actually know Kiseung very well, think he's a cool guy and very funny. Kiseung likes to write letters to his pen pal in Toronto. Today I stole one of the letters he got from his pen pal when he wasn't looking, and here it is in its entirity:
Dear Mr. Kiseung,
How are things at your Kung Fu Academy? I wish I could come train with a martial artist and famous actor like you. My heart is filled with admiration at your many wonderful accomplishments in life. You should write a biography about yourself and call it "I Am Cooler Than You!" Because you are. I am impressed with your strong muscles and how flexible you are in the many pictures and martial arts movies you have starred in. And to think that you are a doctor and astronaut too! You are my hero, Mr. Kiseung, please promise me that we will always be friends forever.
your pal,
lil timmy
It warms my heart to know we have such an admirable human being in our cast. No Refunds Theatre Co. is the home to many humanitarian causes, but none quite so huge as Kiseung.|W|P|113592294338560360|W|P|Spotlight on Kiseung|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com12/29/2005 12:13:00 AM|W|P|Gabe|W|P|CAST: Mary Ellen, we in the cast simply adore your coat!
MARY ELLEN: Why thank you, it's so marvelous, don't you think?
CAST: To die for! Whatever is it made out of?
MARY ELLEN: Wookie.
|W|P|113583725864859254|W|P|Chewbacca|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com12/28/2005 12:36:00 AM|W|P|Gabe|W|P|
Today, or yesterday, rather, was the day in which those of us who celebrate Kwanzaa celebrate the virtues of self-determination. As we all know from the emotional climax of T2: Judgement Day, Arnold Schwarzenegger cannot Self-Determinate. However, when hearing that his hometown of Graz, Austria was going to remove his name from the soccer stadium because of the determination of Tookie, he pre-emptively self-determinated himself from all tourist materials for the city as well, which will likely cost them millions in dirty, American, execution-loving, tourist dollars. Take heart, Graz, Arnold knows now why you cry, but it's something he can never do.
In Kung Fu Hamlet news: You can see we're hard at work rehearsing, Michelle nearly kicked Clinton in the head, but not nearly enough. And also pictured is Young Postle who is projecting all his despair to the audience, which is where it belongs.|W|P|113575296046203780|W|P|Self-Determination|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com12/23/2005 05:05:00 PM|W|P|Gabe|W|P|
As those of you who are cool may already know, there is a Kung Fu Hamlet comedy duo being performed at speech and debate tournaments this year, the two renegades responsible for this highly entertaining and successful performance thingy are coached by none other than Drew Hammond, who is known in the Munich circles as Drewseph Hammer the Annnhilist. You might remember Drewseph from such No Refunds effronteries as 8/7 Central, wherein he played Pukey and Mr. T.
But to get to the point, due to popular demand and the recently expanding hype, Kung Fu Hamlet: the Script as well as Kung Fu Hamlet: the Junior Novel will soon be available on-line for you to order and read, but this will not happen until after the holidays, because your working boy is currently on loan to the city of Kenosha, WI for his one-man show entitled: Not Another Homemade Present From Gabe This Year.
So to tide you over until those become available, here's a small sampling of the Junior Novel, the prologue, done up all prose-like and proper.
0.
Prologue
Long ago, in the land of Denmark, a great king and master of Kung Fu was found dead in his garden. All the king's horses and all the king's men tried to figure out how he died, but they could not do it. The horses were especially confused because horses are animals and cannot talk, and although they are sometimes used in police work, they very rarely solve crimes.
Finally, it was decided that a snake bit the king while he was meditating, and killed him with its poisonous snake juice. The king's brother ordered that all snakes should henceforth slither across the earth on their bellies as a punishment for this treasonous crime. Everyone liked that idea, except for the snakes, but just like horses, snakes can't talk, so generally people don't care what they think.
Then the queen married the dead king's brother, Claudius, making him the new king, even though it's kind of weird to marry your brother-in-law. At least, that's what her son thought. That's right, her son, the young prince of Denmark, who studied his father's Kung Fu his whole life, didn't approve of their marriage. And he didn't approve of his uncle becoming king. And he didn't approve of his father being murdered.
That young prince of Denmark is named Hamlet.
ps - go see King Kong.
word|W|P|113538021140787064|W|P|the script|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com12/20/2005 01:48:00 PM|W|P|Gabe|W|P|
For today's post I dipped into the archives and found this still from some footage shot by my cousin Nicholas last summer during our fringe run. One of the additions to the show was the beloved Yorick and his infamous skull. Here I am pictured repairing the skull with candlewax for it dries so much faster and sturdier than glue. Also pictured is a box of raisin bran.
We are currently negotiating with several cereal companies for the rights to Kung Fu Hamlet the Cereal, which will feature marshmallow skulls, tiny, sugar-coated Allen Wongs, and craisins.
Has anyone else heard of these ice worms that live in the Arctic? Apparently they live inside icebergs and NASA is studying them to learn more about the potential for life on icy planets like Pluto, which actually I think isn't a planet any longer.
What do you think NASA should study?|W|P|113510912702836647|W|P|Secrets of My Kitchen|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com12/23/2005 01:39:35 AM|W|P|Anonymous|W|P|I think NASA should study your mom, yo. I know I've been enjoying it, you know what i'm sayin' beeyotch.
word.12/27/2005 04:45:45 PM|W|P|Gabe|W|P|yeah, well...YOUR mom!
i am sad.4/13/2006 08:49:32 PM|W|P|nick|W|P|you remembered my name12/19/2005 11:47:00 PM|W|P|Gabe|W|P|
Well, despite the Reds' stunning and disappointing loss to Sao Paolo in the FIFA club world championship final Sunday in Japan, Michelle showed up to rehearse in her usual attire, that being the Liverpool home kit. See here as she battles Matt Dawson and gives him the vicious snake bite maneuver, a move so hideous many of us in the industry cringe at its mere mention!
But soft, see as she laughs in mockery at Matt's attempts to knock her off balance! And then counters again with a devestating double titty twister!
Matt Dawson had this to say after rehearsal: "Somehow I feel like a mere shell of my former self, I think it's because if you hold me up to your ear you can hear the ocean."
Said Michelle: "A disallowed goal? Come off it, he was onside for the equaliser, I haven't seen officiating this poor since Diego bloody Maradona and the Hand of flipping God. Rafa's still the best football manager in the world. Chelsea'll fumble the top spot and then the premiership is in the cards for Liverpool."
word to that.|W|P|113505995613489913|W|P|Liverpool|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com12/18/2005 03:11:00 PM|W|P|Gabe|W|P|There may be a new element to Kung Fu Hamlet this year. In the tradition of Shakespeare, Cervantes and Tolstoy we might incorporate another literary element to offset all of the low brow physical comedy and violence inherent in kung fu cinema. In each scene audience members will be asked to locate a tall slender gentleman in glasses and a striped shirt and wooly cap, whom we shall name Waldo. If you see Waldo, you will be rewarded in Valhalla with riches beyond the wildest dreams of avarice. I wanted to use Goldbug instead of Waldo, because Waldo gives me a headache and Gold Bug was a featured character in Richard Scarry's "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go" book about goings on in Busytown. I have fond memories of that Gold Bug, but unfortunately I couldn't find an image of him, so I am including an image of the Transformer Goldbug who is the reincarnation of the beloved Autobot hero: Bumblebee. Happy hunting.
By the way, I included Tolstoy's name at the beginning, but I think Anna Karenina is lame. Deal with that, Leo Tolsuck.
word.
gabe|W|P|113494111250265846|W|P|Gold Bug|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com12/17/2005 11:27:00 PM|W|P|Gabe|W|P|
Today at rehearsal Ryan ate a rice krispie treat and after he dropped it on the floor Jerome explained that there is actually scientific evidence which supports the five second rule. However, it is likely that since a rice krispie treat is sticky that the number of seconds it takes for bacterias to climb onto it might be less than five seconds, we conjectured that sticky foods should have more of a two second rule and the results of our further experiments will be posted on this blog forthwith.
Matt Dawson also taught some people Kung Fu maneuvers including the new cast members: Michelle something (Ophelia), Mike Postle (Laertes) and his brother Roman Postle (Iron Shirt Monk).
For those of you who wondered where we located cast members, I turn you over to No Refunds Theatre Co.'s casting director: Seamus O'Shaunagin the Irish Pirate. Take it Seamus.
"Top o the mornin to ya tharr, Gabe, I unerstand there be some curious computer type readers who want to know how I be findin the very dedicated martial artists who dedicate their very lives to the cause of kung fu entertainin'. Well, I tell ya it be a vary fine magical process in which i bury a dewdrop from the highest mountin peak and clip a clover from deepest green valley, I then bury them far beneath the grave of a motherless swineherd and wait for the ninth full moon to ripen three magic olives, three virgins must suck the pimentos from the olives on top of the aforementioned grave and then a magical laser beam shoots down from the heavens and draws a website on the back of a freshly sheared lamb named Cedric. I go to this website and the names of all o the actors I need are listed thereupon. This be a secret process that wurz handed down ter me from my great fahder, No Beard the Angel Pirate, the greatest casting director thar ever wuz."
One last thing, why would Mary Jane be in love with spiderman? wouldn't she just assume that he looks like a spider under that mask? I mean, for real.
word.|W|P|113488659048926764|W|P|5 second rule|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com12/20/2005 12:38:13 PM|W|P|Roman|W|P|If not a giant spider, then at least something similar to the Predator.
And Dawson taught me NO kung fu. He showed me how beautiful love can be.12/21/2005 12:56:07 AM|W|P|Gabe|W|P|Dawson said he was going to show me how beautiful love could be, but instead he showed Chowie and I only got to watch.
I want my four bucks back!12/21/2005 09:59:13 AM|W|P|Roman|W|P|When he does show you the beauty of love it's only worth about $2.73. I had to argue for my change. For being all "Mr. Moneybags Big-Time Director Man", Dawson sure is a cheapskate. Gosh.
Kiseung, is the mystery monk and a very important member of the Kung Fu Hamlet cast and so I've decided to blog all about Kiseung today. Many of his dearest friends, including my younger sister Cassie, who doesn't actually know Kiseung very well, think he's a cool guy and very funny. Kiseung likes to write letters to his pen pal in Toronto. Today I stole one of the letters he got from his pen pal when he wasn't looking, and here it is in its entirity:
Dear Mr. Kiseung,
How are things at your Kung Fu Academy? I wish I could come train with a martial artist and famous actor like you. My heart is filled with admiration at your many wonderful accomplishments in life. You should write a biography about yourself and call it "I Am Cooler Than You!" Because you are. I am impressed with your strong muscles and how flexible you are in the many pictures and martial arts movies you have starred in. And to think that you are a doctor and astronaut too! You are my hero, Mr. Kiseung, please promise me that we will always be friends forever.
your pal,
lil timmy
It warms my heart to know we have such an admirable human being in our cast. No Refunds Theatre Co. is the home to many humanitarian causes, but none quite so huge as Kiseung.|W|P|113592294338560360|W|P|Spotlight on Kiseung|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com
|W|P|113583725864859254|W|P|Chewbacca|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com
Today, or yesterday, rather, was the day in which those of us who celebrate Kwanzaa celebrate the virtues of self-determination. As we all know from the emotional climax of T2: Judgement Day, Arnold Schwarzenegger cannot Self-Determinate. However, when hearing that his hometown of Graz, Austria was going to remove his name from the soccer stadium because of the determination of Tookie, he pre-emptively self-determinated himself from all tourist materials for the city as well, which will likely cost them millions in dirty, American, execution-loving, tourist dollars. Take heart, Graz, Arnold knows now why you cry, but it's something he can never do.
In Kung Fu Hamlet news: You can see we're hard at work rehearsing, Michelle nearly kicked Clinton in the head, but not nearly enough. And also pictured is Young Postle who is projecting all his despair to the audience, which is where it belongs.|W|P|113575296046203780|W|P|Self-Determination|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com
As those of you who are cool may already know, there is a Kung Fu Hamlet comedy duo being performed at speech and debate tournaments this year, the two renegades responsible for this highly entertaining and successful performance thingy are coached by none other than Drew Hammond, who is known in the Munich circles as Drewseph Hammer the Annnhilist. You might remember Drewseph from such No Refunds effronteries as 8/7 Central, wherein he played Pukey and Mr. T.
But to get to the point, due to popular demand and the recently expanding hype, Kung Fu Hamlet: the Script as well as Kung Fu Hamlet: the Junior Novel will soon be available on-line for you to order and read, but this will not happen until after the holidays, because your working boy is currently on loan to the city of Kenosha, WI for his one-man show entitled: Not Another Homemade Present From Gabe This Year.
So to tide you over until those become available, here's a small sampling of the Junior Novel, the prologue, done up all prose-like and proper.
0.
Prologue
Long ago, in the land of Denmark, a great king and master of Kung Fu was found dead in his garden. All the king's horses and all the king's men tried to figure out how he died, but they could not do it. The horses were especially confused because horses are animals and cannot talk, and although they are sometimes used in police work, they very rarely solve crimes.
Finally, it was decided that a snake bit the king while he was meditating, and killed him with its poisonous snake juice. The king's brother ordered that all snakes should henceforth slither across the earth on their bellies as a punishment for this treasonous crime. Everyone liked that idea, except for the snakes, but just like horses, snakes can't talk, so generally people don't care what they think.
Then the queen married the dead king's brother, Claudius, making him the new king, even though it's kind of weird to marry your brother-in-law. At least, that's what her son thought. That's right, her son, the young prince of Denmark, who studied his father's Kung Fu his whole life, didn't approve of their marriage. And he didn't approve of his uncle becoming king. And he didn't approve of his father being murdered.
That young prince of Denmark is named Hamlet.
ps - go see King Kong.
word|W|P|113538021140787064|W|P|the script|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com
For today's post I dipped into the archives and found this still from some footage shot by my cousin Nicholas last summer during our fringe run. One of the additions to the show was the beloved Yorick and his infamous skull. Here I am pictured repairing the skull with candlewax for it dries so much faster and sturdier than glue. Also pictured is a box of raisin bran.
We are currently negotiating with several cereal companies for the rights to Kung Fu Hamlet the Cereal, which will feature marshmallow skulls, tiny, sugar-coated Allen Wongs, and craisins.
Has anyone else heard of these ice worms that live in the Arctic? Apparently they live inside icebergs and NASA is studying them to learn more about the potential for life on icy planets like Pluto, which actually I think isn't a planet any longer.
What do you think NASA should study?|W|P|113510912702836647|W|P|Secrets of My Kitchen|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com
Well, despite the Reds' stunning and disappointing loss to Sao Paolo in the FIFA club world championship final Sunday in Japan, Michelle showed up to rehearse in her usual attire, that being the Liverpool home kit. See here as she battles Matt Dawson and gives him the vicious snake bite maneuver, a move so hideous many of us in the industry cringe at its mere mention!
But soft, see as she laughs in mockery at Matt's attempts to knock her off balance! And then counters again with a devestating double titty twister!
Matt Dawson had this to say after rehearsal: "Somehow I feel like a mere shell of my former self, I think it's because if you hold me up to your ear you can hear the ocean."
Said Michelle: "A disallowed goal? Come off it, he was onside for the equaliser, I haven't seen officiating this poor since Diego bloody Maradona and the Hand of flipping God. Rafa's still the best football manager in the world. Chelsea'll fumble the top spot and then the premiership is in the cards for Liverpool."
word to that.|W|P|113505995613489913|W|P|Liverpool|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com
By the way, I included Tolstoy's name at the beginning, but I think Anna Karenina is lame. Deal with that, Leo Tolsuck.
word.
gabe|W|P|113494111250265846|W|P|Gold Bug|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com
Today at rehearsal Ryan ate a rice krispie treat and after he dropped it on the floor Jerome explained that there is actually scientific evidence which supports the five second rule. However, it is likely that since a rice krispie treat is sticky that the number of seconds it takes for bacterias to climb onto it might be less than five seconds, we conjectured that sticky foods should have more of a two second rule and the results of our further experiments will be posted on this blog forthwith.
Matt Dawson also taught some people Kung Fu maneuvers including the new cast members: Michelle something (Ophelia), Mike Postle (Laertes) and his brother Roman Postle (Iron Shirt Monk).
For those of you who wondered where we located cast members, I turn you over to No Refunds Theatre Co.'s casting director: Seamus O'Shaunagin the Irish Pirate. Take it Seamus.
"Top o the mornin to ya tharr, Gabe, I unerstand there be some curious computer type readers who want to know how I be findin the very dedicated martial artists who dedicate their very lives to the cause of kung fu entertainin'. Well, I tell ya it be a vary fine magical process in which i bury a dewdrop from the highest mountin peak and clip a clover from deepest green valley, I then bury them far beneath the grave of a motherless swineherd and wait for the ninth full moon to ripen three magic olives, three virgins must suck the pimentos from the olives on top of the aforementioned grave and then a magical laser beam shoots down from the heavens and draws a website on the back of a freshly sheared lamb named Cedric. I go to this website and the names of all o the actors I need are listed thereupon. This be a secret process that wurz handed down ter me from my great fahder, No Beard the Angel Pirate, the greatest casting director thar ever wuz."
One last thing, why would Mary Jane be in love with spiderman? wouldn't she just assume that he looks like a spider under that mask? I mean, for real.
word.|W|P|113488659048926764|W|P|5 second rule|W|P|gllanas@gmail.com